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Body Language

August 13, 2011

It’s all a blur now.
I said this is not the time and I meant that. The last thing I remember is saying “I’m getting really fucking pissed, right now!” I remember the other person saying “I’m really mad too.”
No, you don’t get it I think. This is the tail shaking on the rattlesnake. This is all the warning you’re going to get.
The words of the other person are barely filtering through my head.
All of a sudden the only thing I’m 100% aware of is my body. It feels like it’s shaking. Like there is too much electricity going through it. Then my focus falls on my left hand. It won’t stop clenching and un-clenching. All this energy is building up and I’m slowly realizing I can’t hold it back…it’s looking for some place to go.
The other person clearly isn’t aware how bad this situation is or how bad it’s going to get. There’s various scenarios of the near future running through my head, none of them leave this person uninjured.
I’m staring at my lunch but my stomach refuses to digest what I put down just moments before all this started. It’s sitting like lead. I feel sick.
I throw it all together to go throw it away. I get up, the other person is blocking my way. It pisses me off even more. All I can think is this person better get out of my way or I will hurt them very badly if not kill them.
The person barely moves out of my way in time.

Sometimes I think it would be good if every person in the world was required to take a class in reading body language.
I don’t know entirely why I was so pissed I just know that, clearly I was. I haven’t been that angry in a long, long time. I know it’s most likely a sign of something deeper. I’m just unsure what exactly and how far it goes.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. August 14, 2011 12:47 am

    Such people are blind to everything around them except their own self interest. 😦

    • August 14, 2011 12:42 pm

      Someone else told me nearly the same thing. More and more it seems to fit. I had thought that myself before but I just started to feel like maybe it was in my head only. I didn’t get to write a follow up, the person came back for round two and that kind of sealed it for me. When I look back at that moment it seems clear the person is only interested in them. No concern whatsoever in anyone else. No doubt if someone told me what I told this person, I would have felt concerned for THEM and I would have expressed that immediately. But, my eyes are a little more open to who this person is and just have to figure out what happens next.

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